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Friday, April 07, 2006

 

Howard Stern And A Free Ride

Madman,
My boss bought on of those portable satellite radios. Every morning he brings it in and forces the entire office to listen to Howard Stern. Do you think I could make money by suing my company for being forced to listen to that vulgarity?

Peeved

Dear Peeved,

I am surprised you can even hear Howard's broadcast. The sound must be very muffled with your head so far up your ass! Why should you get free money just because you don't like a radio show!? I do have a suggestion that will help your situation. A frontal lobotomy would calm your ass down--you don't seem to be using your brain anyway.

Madman
Madman's Advice Blog

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

 

Traveling Man

MM,

I have another vacation coming up the end of September. I will have 15 days to go anywhere in the world. (except the US or it's territories for tax purposes) I've already been to England, Ireland, Wales, Egypt, South Africa, Thailand, and the U.A.E. Where do you think I should go on my next vacation? (Budget is around $6,500 US)

Signed,

Rich Traveler



Dear Rich Traveler,

I think a wholesome country would be appropriate for a young man like yourself. The place where the 4H Club first appeared would be good. Amsterdam is home of Hookers, Heroin, Hashish, and good Hootch. Have fun my friend--and enjoy the Red Light District! With $6500.00 you can have some Fucking Fun and a High Old Time.

Madman
Madman's Advice Blog

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

 

Jack Meoff

Madman,
I am a 63 year old married man who still likes to masturbate. Is that normal?

Pulling the Old Pud

Dear PP,

Hell--I don't guess that's a problem. It ain't illegal---YET! There is a spin-off group from the pro-life folks called SIS (Sperm is Sacred) that intends to lobby congress to protect the life of all ejaculatory secretions. SIS says that Billions of sperm die each day without even having the chance of making it up the tunnel--the Good Book says this is a sin. SO-- these people are not happy with just gaining control of the female fertilized egg---they want to make it illegal for a man to spill his seed.


So whack off while you still can---big brother may be monitoring your used tissue soon.

Madman
Madman's Advice Blog



Monday, April 03, 2006

 

Ice Man Cometh

Hey Madman,

I know this in not the kind of advise request you normally answer to, but:

The fan in my external harddrive does not work. So I keep the drive in an icebucket to keep it cool, but not sure if this is wise? I don't want to spend more money on another drive. What should I do?

Star Techie

Dear Star Techie,

I think you may have far more problems other than just with your Hard-Drive. Freud would say that icing down this component was a way to subconsciously incapacitate your sex Drive. Not wanting to replace it is avoiding the fact that your Libido is diminishing.

However, I think you should be concerned you are a cheap ass who might fry his own balls during an avoidable electrocution. Just a thought though.

Madman
Madman's Advice Blog

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