"Sunshine (Go Away Today) (Single/LP Version)" - This Land Is Your Land: "1. Sunshine (Go Away Today) (Single/LP Version) - This Land Is Your Land" <bgsound src="" loop="infinite">

Friday, March 24, 2006

 

The Stork????

MM

Where do babies come from?

I mean REALLY come from...

Curious Yellow

Dear Curious Yellow,

I don't think I will answer this question. I will leave it up to other Bloggers to inform you of your origin. I screwed this same question up just last weekend at home.


My wife was babysitting our four-year-old grandson, while I was watching March Madness. The boy walked into the room with me and asked,


"Popi--where did I come from?"

"Well" I replied, "Your Dad bought you in Mexico for five dollars. Now go and find your Grandma."

Thursday this young boy's father told him to go to his room for misbehaving. The Child yelled at his DAD, at the top of his young lungs, "I hate you--I'm going to Mexico to find my real parents and live with them!!"

True Story. I got BUSTED!

Madman
Madman's Advice Blog

Thursday, March 23, 2006

 

Sexist Pig?

Mr. Madman,

Let me start by saying I am not a sexist and I love my job. But my new boss is a crazy woman. She gets hysterical and screams at least three times a day. Then ten minutes latter she acts like nothing has happened. She is driving us all crazy. How can I calm this bitch down?

Going Nuts

Dear Going Nuts,

This is why women don't even like working for women. They let emotions build up and drive themselves fucking crazy. Only an orgasm can ease this stress and make them sane again. Doctors in the 1800's knew this---and the physicians would use a hand-cranked vibrator to set the tense females right again. You are going to have to take one for the team and fuck her--just do it right and do it often. Only then will you have peace in the office.

Madman
Madman's Advice Blog

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

 

Get a Cue

Madman

I am about five foot four and weigh about 200 pounds. My wife has always told me that my being a little overweight doesn’t bother her. About two years ago I started loosing my hair and I started using over the counter meds to stop it, but it hasn’t helped. My wife hasn’t said that it bothers her, but she hasn’t said it doesn’t bother her either. Don’t you think that a woman would be a little superficial if a baldhead disturbs her after 12 years of marriage?

Worried Head

Dear Worried Head,

Dude---it is OK to be short and fat. It is Ok to be fat and bald. It is Ok to be short and bald. However—it ain’t OK to be short, fat, and bald! That is the triple deal killer! She will be laughed at by all of her old friends at her 20th High School reunion if this stands as is. A hair transplant is cheaper than a divorce. Invest in your head!

Madman
Madman’s Advice Blog

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

 

Neither a Lender Be

Mr. Madman
I am a midle-age single female. Until recently I have always struggled with money. A few months ago I inherited $50,000.00. I paid off my house and all my credit card bills and I have a little left over. Now an unemployed girlfriend of mine wants to borrow $1200.00 to fix her car. I don't want to. Am I being stingy Madman?

Dont Wanna

Dear Don't Want to,

Is she fucking nuts?!? If she doesn't have a job then she doesn't need a car to make it to the mail box to pick up her check. Not even a tote-the-note used car lot in Compton would sale her a broken down Yugo. People---You need to have an income to borrow money .

I am very knowledgeable with the scriptures. I will quote a passage that may apply, and also offer you some guidance:

Psalms 32 verse 12

"You be a stupid biatch if ya front that Ho da doe"

Madman
Madman's Advice Blog

Monday, March 20, 2006

 

F-ing Crazy!

MM

-I have a very good friend who has been dating this guy for 2-3 years. They break up and get back together every 3-4 months. He'll profess his love for her and say they should get married and then dump her the next week. This last break up was really bad, he said some insulting things and said they were only together because it was comfortable, not love. He is now saying that he wants to reconsile, get married, and that they should go to couples counseling - they're not even married! She wants to know what I think, I think they are retarded, what do you think?

Biting my tongue.

Dear Biting my tounge,

I think he is a big pussy! Pre-Marital couples counseling was something Oprah made up to mentally castrate the American male. There are only three reasons a man should want psychiatric help.

1. If he is pleading insanity for killing his girlfriend.

2. If he thinks God REALLY talks to him.

3. To get in a sex addict group so he can score some quick and easy ass!

Other than those reasons----he should take drugs like the rest of us. Tell her to dump him!

Madman
Madman's Advice Blog

Sunday, March 19, 2006

 

Totally Un-Invited

Madman,

My wife has a girlfriend who is constantly coming over uninvited. I am tired of having to always feed and entertain this chick. My wife asks me not to be rude. How would you handle this Madman?

Three's not Company

Dear Three is Not Company

OK. Tell your wife this girl tried to sleep with you. She will confront her friend and the truth will be told. Here is the tricky part. Reply the following verbatim and with a straight face: 'Who are you going to believe Darlin'---the man who married you or a whore who tried to fuck your husband?'

She won't be coming around anymore!

Madman
Madman's Advice Blog

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?