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Friday, March 17, 2006


Mrs. Roper


There are always articles and surveys stating that men think about sex every15 seconds, or something craxy like that. Yet, when I ask my husband for sex, it's always some lame excuse after another. I've tried waiting 15 seconds and asking again, this never seems to work. I just want to know who the hell they are polling and where the hell are they?

Hot and Horny

Dear Hot and Horny,

The psychologists are right---your Husband is thinking of sex every 15 seconds. He's just not thinking of it with you. Have you considered one of those makeover thingies?

However, if you must have more sex to save your marriage---I'm sure we have some bloggers who will volunteer---just to keep you two together of course.

Madman's Advice Blog

Thursday, March 16, 2006


The Right To Re-Produce??

Hey Madman!
Got a question for ya. Is it considered a civic duty to step up and intervene when 2 completely dysfunctional people are deciding to procreate? Eventually my tax dollars will go to these pathetic beings, so, is it my right to protect those tax dollars wherever I possibly can? And, no, there is no relation to either party involved.

Mrs. U.S.A. Citizen

Dear Mrs. USA Citizen,

I am thinking you are a bit self-centered--OR you have never watched the show on the Discovery Channel called "Dirty Jobs Only Dysfunctional Retards Would Take." One guys job was to actually taste raw-sewage before, and after, it was treated---just to see if all the shit taste was gone. So--We need these people. I realize a few of these big-foreheaded off-spring sometimes take government handouts---but 40% of these pea-brains actually are persuaded to vote Republican! NO SHIT!


Wednesday, March 15, 2006


Short Cummings

Hello Madman,

I have been dating a great guy for about six weeks. I am thinking about breaking off the relationship. I know some women say that "size doesn't matter", but this man has a very tiny penis, and I want more. Do you think I am shallow for thinking this way?

Needs More

Dear Needs More,

I wouldn't say shallow---more like very deep! However, I know nothing about having a little pecker. So--I asked a female friend for some input. She said, "Any woman who says 'size doesn't matter'--has a husband with a small dick!" The consensus is-if it ain't enough now, it won't ever be enough! Dump him--and if he gives you any shit, tell all his friends how many inches he has hanging.


Tuesday, March 14, 2006


To Be DG--Or Not To Be DG!

Madman the knower of the known,

I work in a company with mostly all guys. Today, a female came over to ask my opinion about something. What I didn't notice was that 1/2 of my breast was hanging out in the front. I have failry large ones, and I was wearing a low cut V-neck. A male co-worker told me about it later, and we're sure that the guy across from me saw it as well. I'm not really worried about what the guys thought about it though, just the what woman though about it. (And I'm wondering why she didn't say anything. What do you think I should do? Wear turtlenecks?

I know what you ex-assistant thinks of BN, but I don't want to be BN! (or DG!)

fearful of Your Reply

Dear fearful of Your Reply,

A tit popping out on the Red Carpet is a money shot. A boob dangling at work can be another story. However, since you work with mostly hard-swinging-dicks this could work to your advantage. The test to see if you should start wearing turtle necks is: Look close at your nipples----if you have those unsightly ugly bumps surrounding them, it is time to go conservative. Pretty smooth pink ones means a raise is on the way!!!


Monday, March 13, 2006


Cleanliness is Next to Godliness

Madman, king of all answers...

When men use the restroom, they wash their hands after they shake the dew off the lily. I would think men would want to wash their hands BEFORE they touch their precious tool of love, that way everything is nice and sparkling clean. What says you?

Mrs. Clean.

Dear Mrs. Clean,

I say that would be a bit redundant---that's what Blow-Jobs are for.


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