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Wednesday, May 10, 2006

 

She Didn't Lie

After a week of scans and blood tests----today was the day for the bladder scope. The nurse told me to disrobe from the waist down. After doing so I realized that women look sexy when all they have on is a man's shirt. I looked ridiculous!

I was told to cover myself with the large paper towel they gave me and to lie on the bed covered with pads. I did so for about ten minutes. My pecker was shrinking about a 1/2 inch a minute from fear. That is when the old nurse walked in and pulled the terry-cloth from my manhood.

She yanked a hold of my pecker and announced loudly, "This is going to hurt!" She didn't lie!

I let out a scream.

She said, "Un-clinch your rectum muscles and it won't hurt as much."

I tried to do so. After a long moment the pain subsided. I asked, "Is it over?"

She laughed and said, "All I did was insert the pain killer with a cotton swap. The Doctor will be in in a minute."

OH SHIT!

The Doctor pulled out a gun with a 1/4 inch diameter twenty inch long barrel. I realized that was what he was going to insert into my piss hole. I was worried about the first eight inches.

"This will not be pleasant." He said. It wasn't.

I was laying their in pain and he announced, "Now this is going to be the painful part."

I let out an involuntary scream. The gun was filling me up with distilled water. I begged him to stop. The torture continued for another minute or two. Then the 1/4 rod finally came out painfully.

The Doctor pointed at a potty chair in the corner and told me to empty my bladder. It was like pissing razor blades. A solid red stream filled the plastic tank.

"Is this normal?" I asked.

"Yep" he said, "The good news it's not bladder cancer---the bad news is we still don't know what it is. We'll have to do more tests."

These fuckers are cruel. I'm still pissing razors and blood tonight.

Thanks for the thoughts though. Joke amongest yourselves until I'm back.

Comments:
Torture indeed. Glad it was not cancer...Those bastards. There has got to be a better way to test this. It's the 21st century for Christs sakes...
 
Man, I've been worried about you! I'm glad you're basically okay. Back in the day before 'managed care' and all that bullshit they sedated people before doing stuff like that. I hope you're feeling better soon!
 
I'm sure no jokes, just concern, and if anyone DOES joke, Almigo Az and I will be there with alot of other back up to kick some ASS!!!
 
I'm sorry...I'm not trying to start drama, just show my support.
 
Me--Ok--but I was looking for the jokes. I need some humoe here. My dick hurts.
 
So my husband had a stricture in his carrot (see my blog to get the reference to carrot), and had to go through surgery to dilate it. As I was waiting with him for the surgeon to come in, I told him I'm going out to the nurses station to find a black sharpie. When he asked me why, I said I wanted to make sure the surgeon doesn't miss. I was going to write on my husband's forehead, "Not this head!"

If it comes down to it, and you end up needing surgery, let me know. I'll be glad to come by with a sharpie. I have good writing skills. I swear.
 
OMG! I feel for you!
 
MM...i'm so glad to see you back, even in pain, ya know?
dicks must be a big pain to have to have. i'm glad women don't have them to keep...just borrowing it olnce in a while is better...
take care of that tallywacker!!
 
aw baby!!!!!!!!
 
Dude, glad it's not bladder cancer and sorry your doctor's not a quicker diagnostician! Just remember...You DO know what you call a guy who graduates dead-last in his medical school class?


....Doctor!


Feel better Madman, and be well!
 
OMG that's FUCKED UP
 
huggles hope you feel better soon
 
ouch. That made me hurt, and I don't even have a penis.
 
OMG. I am so sorry. I'm sure that all 3.5 inches of your manhood are killing you! :)
 
I have heard that it hurts like hell, but I am female and find it kinda hard to show sympathy! After what we go through... that includes everything from child birth to different sexual experiences and all kinds of stuff in between! I am however, very glad it was not cancer and hope your little pee pee feels better.

Keep us informed!
 
Oh my God! I am sorry. And happy for you. That sounds absolutely torturous. I have been kind of a lurker since you had the Ms. Blogger awards (I was sent by Sam). I hope you are feeling better by now.
 
You're a tough fucker there Madman, I'd want to be knocked right out before anyone shoved a fucking long tool down the exit hole of my love piston and blew something the wrong way into my twin turbo set-up. My thoughts are with you buddy, get well soon and I hope you get to use your weapon for what it was meant for - putting a smile on womens faces :)
 
Yow! and after a painkiller?
Sorry
 
Ouch, I am feeling it over here! Come on over for a drink, on the house!
 
your blog is very addictively good.
 
My dick hurts and I don't even have one.....DAMN Madman.....and I'm fresh out of good dick jokes to boot.....(this comment just plain sucks ass!)

Hang in there buddy.....
 
Did it fall off? It's been awhile, I'm starting to worry. If it does fall off, make sure you save it for ebay. You could market it like say... penis veins show image of Virgin Mary ; }
 
madman-
missing you! My 13-year old and I have a code phrase for when something happens "down there". The phrase is "Stubbing your toe".

Sorry to hear your toe is stubbed. Hope you feel better soon
 
OUCH! No I mean it. OUCH! Damn!

You don't have to have another test like that do ya? That's just cruel and unusual.

PS. forgive the pig suit. It's just for HNT.
 
Missing you!!
 
That shit ain't right.
 
OUCH!!!!!!
 
I see no reason why they cant knock people out for procedures like that... or at least an epidural?? Damn, clearly a topical anesthetic was insufficient!

Hope your dick feels better real soon!
 
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
 
It's been over a month MM. Are you okay? Please at least post one sentence so we know you're okay.
 
Hope that you are back soon????
 
Your presence in blogland is sorely missed. Please come back! I hope you are okay.
 
Thank you to those who were concerned --- Let's just say I'm better.
 
Awww...you poor baby! Obviously this happened months and months back, so I hope you're all recovered by now. ;)

Just dropped by and noticed this, and thought I'd voice how utterly inhumane that sounded.

<3 Dox
 
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