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Tuesday, April 04, 2006

 

Jack Meoff

Madman,
I am a 63 year old married man who still likes to masturbate. Is that normal?

Pulling the Old Pud

Dear PP,

Hell--I don't guess that's a problem. It ain't illegal---YET! There is a spin-off group from the pro-life folks called SIS (Sperm is Sacred) that intends to lobby congress to protect the life of all ejaculatory secretions. SIS says that Billions of sperm die each day without even having the chance of making it up the tunnel--the Good Book says this is a sin. SO-- these people are not happy with just gaining control of the female fertilized egg---they want to make it illegal for a man to spill his seed.


So whack off while you still can---big brother may be monitoring your used tissue soon.

Madman
Madman's Advice Blog



Comments:
I commend anyone that can still get it up at the age of 63. Whack away dude.
 
I think it is great! Maybe you and your wife should get together and masturbate. It might put some spice back into your marriage. It could lead into something like swinging. The possibilites are endless!
 
HOLY HELL! I certainly don't want to think about that!! However, I totally agree. If you can get it up, and keep your gnarly fingers around it long enough to spew the cream filling out of the 22,000 day old donut, go for it!
 
If you can still crank your engine over at that age you horny old fucker, then I suggest you get yourself into the porn industry quick smart. There's a lot of old man/nineteen year old porn on the market and not only will you get to play roles in movies like vindictive school principals giving nubile students hard lessons, you could also give physicals as a doctor or be a really really experienced pool cleaner.
Then my horny grandpa you won't have to worry if dementia kicks in and you suddenly forget your name or what you're doing there as you'll just grin (or drool) as some cute little 18 year old goes to work on your well cranked pushrod. (And getting someone else to pump your handbrake will ultimately stop you from getting arthritic hands from doing it yourself. Bonus!)
 
What can I add that Almigo hasn't already said so eloquently!

.....if one sperm gets wasted, God gets quite irate... (DId anyone else get your Python reference...or was it actually one at all?)
 
ewwwww.

That's all I've got to say about that.
 
You are good Mr-G!
 
Masturbation is normal, healthy and fun at ANY age! I should know...I'm older than this guy and have been whacking off all my life, married or not! As Woody Allen said to Diane Keaton in "Annie Hall", "Don't knock masturbation! It's sex with someone I love!" Truer words were never spoken! Keep on jerkin' dude!
 
Hmmm.... I think this guy needs to share his secret with the rest of man kind. I'll bet he could make millions on an infomercial selling the secrets of 'Getting it Up at 63'.
 
that is the most retarded thing i have ever heard. those people should pick a cause that is actually important like say...world hunger....or people dying of aids in africa or SOMETHING.

seriously lame!
 
Please tell me this is a joke?
Big brother wants a final say over your little swimmers now too? GAWD!
 
Ahh, Felony wet dreams...Yeah right. As for Jack--a safe sex regimen is appropriate I'd say. Just remember to drink alot of water, and remember to do the acts gracefully--God, or big brother may be watching!
 
You know, 63 isn't really all that old these days. I hope I'm still horny when I'm 63.
 
If I can get away with it, I'll be lopin' the mule when I'm your age. Jack on my friend; jack on.

Shitzz: Sperm Is Sacred is a joke...a Monty Python joke :-)
 
Long as you're not looking at pics of cows or something....it's normal, dude.

Um, Mad...that SIS law? that's just for guys, right?
 
DOD-solid words

RLB--and I thought masturbating was for kids

ME-"22,000 day old donut" Fucking Funny

ALMIGO--turning self indulgence into money----what a great country

MR-G--We must be getting old

KAT--you can say that again

SHERRI--LOL-it would be a best selling book!!

ROCK--Damn straight


SHITZ--would I joke??


VINCE--when you are as old as I---jacking off could not be graceful. Funny felony line!


RAE-ANN--LOL--I hope you are too--call me in a few decades and we'll see

CARLOS--I was begining to think that only Mr-G and I watched Monty Python

CRABCAKE--what's wrong with cows?:-)
 
HORNY OLD GUY wins the BAT (Best Advice Today). He is old enough to hand out any wisdom he wants to. Good Job!
 
I think it is wonderful that said man is tuggin at 66!! Shit, it feels good, what else can I say?
 
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