"Sunshine (Go Away Today) (Single/LP Version)" - This Land Is Your Land: "1. Sunshine (Go Away Today) (Single/LP Version) - This Land Is Your Land" <bgsound src="" loop="infinite">

Saturday, January 27, 2007

 

Health Care

Even our President says something must be done to make sure that all our citizens have health care. Please help pick from the list---or give ideas of your own.

A. Fuck the poor uninsured walmart workers---if they wanted health care they should have gone to college.

B. Convert all of the uninsured to be Christian Scientists---if they don't belief in meds--problem solved.

C. Give a tax break to encourage the poor to buy health insurance--uhh--most of them don't make enough to pay any taxes anyway. Oh well---it sounded good when Bush said it.

D. Tax the shit out of those of us who do have benefits by calling it income, and then redistribute the money so we all can be poorer. At least the doctors and insurance companies can get richer.

E. Hey---if you really think medical care is as important as national parks and the post office---move to Canada!

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

 

Abortion

Before the war this was the most heated debated issue. I am guessing Bush has changed his stance on this issue---He now just delays the death for 18 or 19 years. It is now called the all voluntary army!

What should we do about abortion?

A: NOTHING! Let the little whores kill their offspring!

B: Teach the sluts to give anal and oral sex.

C: Educate all adolescence on how to use contraceptive measures.

D: Stick our heads in the sand and pray for abstinence.

E: Force the pregnant children to have their children. We still need Walmart workers.

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

 

Lobbyist

Being a Lobbyist has become a very lucrative business in Washington DC. They have thrown a few in jail and are prosecuting a congressman or two---but that hasn't fixed the problem of having a government that is for sale.

So--what should we do about this problem. Pick from one of the choices:

A. Let them do as they wish. It is free enterprise at its best.

B. Limit the amount they can donate to campaigns--but continue to allow the expensive lunches and trips.

C. Make them stay in the lobby where they belong.

D. Make it illegal for the lobbyist to donate any money, any food, or any trips.

E. Make it a death penalty offense to give or take a bribe involving a government official! Kill a few Senators and lobbyists --and then the problem will go away!

Friday, December 22, 2006

 

Affirmative Action

In the state of Texas we want to have a fair and racially balanced higher educational system. Any student graduating in the top 10% of their High School class is guaranteed admission to The University of Texas. We have had kids from predominately minority schools get in with a 3.1 GPA and a 1000 SAT score-- just because they were in the top 10%. However, kids with 3.99 GPA's and with 1550 SAT scores were turned away because they were in the top 11% of their graduating class. Is this fair?

I need help on how the "NO BS Party" should stand on this matter. Please choose one:

A. Every work place should have a racial make-up the same as its community--including the NBA.

B. We should set aside business and educational opportunities specifically for minorities.

C. No race should get preferential treatment. The world should try to be color blind.

D. There should be at least one white running back in the NFL.

E. Call the Grand Wizard and get the race war started.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

 

The NO BS Party

We have a party name "The NO BS Party" ! The democrats have the donkey, the Republicans have the elephant, and we have the BULL!
I'm pleased!

Now we have to form a platform. Over the coming weeks I will invite bloggers to give opinions on the issues of the day--from abortion to Zionists. I hope all participate.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

 

I Am Running For President

Since President Bush is now a lame-duck--I , Madman, will now actively seek my parties nomination for President. However, first I will need to name this newly formed party. I was considering "shots for tots"- but other than sounding funny --it made no since at all. My wife suggested "The No Chance in Hell Party", but it sounded rather negative.

So---I need some suggestions. PLEASE!

After we get the name thing settled I am going to contact my old friend Tom DeLay for some fund raising advice.

Thursday, November 23, 2006

 

I Give Thanks

I have known many worldly pleasures in my time. I have committed sins that were certainly worth committing again. I have had some very tender moments with the women I have loved, but there is something more dear to me than life itself.

The look of a new born son cannot be surpassed by any other moment in my life. To raise these two boys to manhood was a gift that they gave me. These two young men do not even realize how thankful I am to have them both here back home with me today. They sleep, they laugh, they complain of work and school. I just watch, listen, and be all so thankful.

I hope all of blog land can be so happy.


 

I Give Thanks

I have known many worldly pleasures in my time. I have committed sins that were certainly worth committing again. I have had some very tender moments with the women I have loved, but there is something more dear to me than life itself.

The look of a new born son cannot be surpassed by any other moment in my life. To raise these two boys to manhood was a gift that they gave me. These two young men do not even realize how thankful I am to have them both here back home with me today. They sleep, they laugh, they complain of work and school. I just watch, listen, and be all so thankful.

I hope all of blog land can be so happy.


Sunday, November 05, 2006

 

Election Day Confusion?

The first time I voted it was for Jimmy Carter. That year the democrats took complete control over the Executive Branch, the House, and the Senate. They fucked up the country in a major way. Interest rates went up over 17%, many "poor folk" illegally and legally took complete advantage of the new give-away congress, and our military could not even fly a few helicopters over a desert to rescue some hostages out of a third world country. I swore I would never vote for the donkeys again.

Now I am perplexed. A fellow Texan, in the highest office, has lost all credibility by not locating the WMDs, by not firing Rumsfeld, and by hiring a lying SOB named Tony Snowjob to spin bullshit even the most naive could see through. Another fellow Texan in congress (now resigned) is facing charges for taking bribes from a lobbyist who probably owned a quarter of our Senate. Both the national debt and deficit are at record highs. Haliburton and Exxon executives (just to name two) are making billions off of tax cuts while the government is paying its bills with borrowed funds. The DOW hits record highs because of war profiteering-while the immoral assholes won't even raise the minimum wage. And there is still no exit strategy out of a poorly planned war!

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE "CONTRACT WITH AMERICA" THAT THE REPUBLICANS SIGNED WITH THE AMERICAN PEOPLE?

I guess it's time for me to take a look at the Libertarian Party!

Friday, October 06, 2006

 

I Am Sick again---Of Washington DC

I have voted Republican in the last four elections---but it sickens me that the current issue in our Capital is being fought along party lines. IF any elected official knew about a sexual predator and did nothing to stop it---THEY SHOULD BE IMPRISONED -- NO EXCEPTIONS!!

These are our elected leaders! They should never be apathetic about any crime.

If you knew that a teenage boy or girl was being preyed upon by your neighbor---would you call authorities? Of course you would!

I have known victims of rape, incest, and sexual abuse---these crimes damage the soul. If we cannot trust our elected officials to set an example by preventing these atrocities---then this country has lost any righteousness it may have ever had. Our only redemption is to punish this behavior harshly! Any Republican Or Democrate who knew about this perverts actions, and did nothing to stop it, should be put behind bars. And anyone who minimizes this scandal to control political damage--- should join them there!

Maybe if a few of our Congressmen were daily victims of prison rape---then the rest wouldn't keep their mouths shut just to protect a seat!

Monday, September 18, 2006

 

A Request Post For Culayta

Morphine is wonderful----most of the time. A nurse started my iv on Saturday and it took her four stabs before she found a vein. Most of my veins have long rolled over and died from years of living on liquids through the arm. They are supposed to change spots every three days---but seven days latter all were still afraid to attempt the impossible. The iv was never changed.

Seven days latter it was the next Saturday at three a.m., and I knew I would be checking out in 12 hours. I was hungry. I used my silver tongue to talk a pretty young aid to sneak me a pack of cookies from the vending machine. She also brought me two cups of chocolate ice-cream---just because I was "sweet."

An hour later I was in horrible pain. I asked for a shot of morphine. It had been over 8 hours since my last shot. I was hoping I wouldn't need another injection because I felt my vein almost about to blow earlier.

I asked, "Can I take it in the hip?"

I could not---only through the iv ---the doctor's orders.

I winched the minute the drug hit my blood stream. My vein popped immediately. I rolled my head to the side and asked her to push it slow. I could feel the burn painfully spread though my entire fore arm. It hurt like a bitch---but I knew I would be higher than hell in a few minutes. When the nurse left I rocked back and forth in agony for over 20 minutes. Then I heard the click.

Usually morphine lets me rest easy. I want to die with a little too much of the stuff someday--but Saturday was different. Somehow by spreading in my arm--it was a disturbing feeling. Everytime I shut my eyes I was surrounded by all my dead relatives sitting in rocking chairs. I wasn't glad to see them.

This went on for about four hours until my wife showed up. I begged her for two of my vicodins and then I slept until check out time. It was a long strange trip.

So---I am become a boorish blogger with this sick shit. Next post is about something a little different.

Saturday, September 16, 2006

 

I'm too tired to post!

I love to blog---but I am sleeping 12 hours a day and taking so many meds . I just can't seem to get enough energy to do aanything but work and sleep. Maybe I have to adjust to my new diet.

The Low Fiber Low Sugar Diet is composed of foods that are low in residue content. This diet therefore reduces fecal mass and avoids intestinal pressure. This diet is sometimes used in the treatment of chronic diarrhea, colitis and other gastrointestinal disorders, although more recently, higher fiber diets have been employed for these purposes. This diet is very useful for pre- and post-operative abdominal surgery. Eat three small meals per day and three fat-free sugarless snacks per day.
Do not increase serving sizes.

Nutrient Content
Calories: 1555
Protein: 32%
Carbohydrates: 37%
Fat: 31%
Cholesterol: 340 mg
Fiber: 17 g
Recommended:
• Refined wheat bread Rye bread
• Rolls • Crackers
• Refined pastas • Refined rice
• Potatoes • Pureed corn
• Lima beans • Refined cooked or ready-to-eat cereals

Avoid:
• Whole wheat bread • Whole wheat cereals
• Brown rice • Beans (dried)
• Green peas • Lentils
• Corn • Popcorn * Onions
• Any baked products with seeds or nuts


Also Avoid:
• Nuts • Olives • Fried foods • High-fat gravy
All Breaded Meats and Poultry

Foods to Eat
Meats should be 4 oz servings and prepared by grilling or broiling
* servings are about the size of your fist
Chicken Breast (skinless) * Hamburger Steak * Steak *
Pork Chop * 2 Breakfast Pork Chops * Three slices of Turkey *
Non-breaded fish * Poached Egg


Vegetables
Vegetable servings should be about the size of a deck of cards. Eat at least one vegetable per day but no more than two servings a day.
Any canned and cooked vegetables are acceptable. Do not eat any raw or uncooked food. Eat creamed or pureed corn only.

Dairy
Eat low fat Dairy Products when possible. Limit yourself to two servings of dairy products per day. Drink low fat 2% milk only.

Carbohydrates
Limit yourself to one serving of Carbohydrates per meal.

Snacks
Eat three small snacks per day between meals. Do not skip the snack. Eat sugarless snacks only.

Example * Sugar Free Jello * Sugar Free Popsicle * Fat Free Pretzels

Fruit
Canned or strained fruit can occasionally be used as a dessert if packed in light syrup. Do not eat fresh fruits except bananas.

Drinks
Coffee * Tea * Low Fat Milk

Use salt and sugar substitutes for seasoning. Avoid spices, pepper, and fatty dressing.

I hope to be reading and writing soon.

Sunday, September 10, 2006

 

Sorry--I've been sick again

I wasn't out of the hospital long. I just spent another week living on IV's and morphine. This time a Dietician gave me a meal plan of bland foods with no sugar or spice. I go back to work Wednesday and I hope to be blogging soon. Thanks for the thoughts.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

 

WTF?

I am not sure anyone still reads this site--but I am asking for advice. I got out of the hospital today and should be back to work Monday. They have stopped the blood from dripping out of my ass by putting me on two different steroids. OH WELL!

My question is this. My Doctors have limited my diet.

NO carps or sugars due to diabetics

NO Fresh Fruits, vegetables, or High Fiber Foods due to my Ulcerative Colitis

NO fried foods due to my high cholesterol.

NO Dairy due to my digestive problems

NO fatty meats or salt due to High Blood pressure.

NO lat night snacks due to my reflux.

SERIOUSLY---WTF am I supposed to live on---boiled chicken and baby food?

Menu plans anyone??

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

 

Was It A Dream?

It must have been the morphine--it had to have been. I really thought the pain had woken me---but surely I was still sleeping. I screamed out loudly, "God !! Please just take me now! I hurt!"

I'm not a religious person---but pain sometimes makes me wish I were. I looked down towards my bare belly and saw the hallucination. It was a six inch angel dressed in white, complete with the wings, standing north of my navel. I'll be damned if she didn't look and sound exactly like Rosie Perez. She pointed at a round white ivory button that somehow was implanted in the center of my chest.

Then I heard her heavy Hispanic accent, "If you want to go-- all you have to do is push that button----BUT THINK ABOUT IT HARD-----you ain't been as good as you think you have!"
Then she vanished---leaving me alone with the button and a decision to be made. I thought about what she said. I was tempted to push away---but I decided to go back to sleep.

It seemed so real. It must have been the morphine.

BUTT FUCK---It looks like I'm going to live another decade or two. Ho-Humm.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

 

Heaven or Hell?

Ding Dong the dick is dead. Ken Lay avoided prison by having a heart attack----the pussy!! I have spoken to God and he has decided to use this blog as an instrument of determination. Ken has asked Jesus to forgive him for destroying the retirement of many---and fucking with the 401 k of countless others. Jesus has done so---but God is unsure of doing likewise. It is up to you people to determine this former Enron leaders fate. Do you vote Heaven or Hell????

Friday, June 30, 2006

 

She Won't Leave Me Alone

My Ex-Assistant does not like the way our new girl dresses. The dress code says nothing about exposed cleavage. It says "no un-professional or inappropriate dress."

Does anyone consider big cleavage wrong on an office???
It doesn't bother me or my manager.

 

Barbara

I was thirteen when my father made me go to the Fourth of July company picnic. I stopped liking to be with my parents a few years earlier. I have no idea why.

It was evening and everyone was waiting for the fireworks. I wandered down to the Trinity River---just to be alone. Barbara--who was also 13, must have had the same idea. She found me whittling a small stick and she sat beside me. I had known Barbara for years. We were friends. The minute she sat beside me I knew something was different between us. She had makeup and a brassiere on.

She was teasing me and I was teasing her when I dropped the small stick I had been whittling. Barbara picked it up and put it in her bra. I told her if she didn't give it back I would take it.

She dropped her hands to her side and said, " Go ahead."

A rush of overwhelming heat engulfed my entire body. I awkwardly slid my hand into her blouse, ignoring the stick, and held her small breast. We stayed in that stance for a few minutes. Then we both walked away silently. She was blushing radiantly--and I couldn't hide my excitement.

It was strange to get to second base before attempting first base. We became acquaintances instead of friends after that. My friends would have busted my chops for not going for the home run. I told no one until now.

Barbara died of breast cancer a few years back. I think of her once a year.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

 

The Cold War Is Over

My neighbor died last month and it threw me into a funk.

Six years ago I woke at dawn to the sound of cracking glass. I had fallen asleep in the Living Room--- or I might not have heard it at all. I walked to the door and noticed a hole about the size of a BB in my patio glass door. The cracks looked like rivers on a map that were still growing. About a 150 feet directly out the door I noticed my 70 year-old friend and neighbor mulling around on his deck. I stepped outside the door and met him at the fence, as we had done many times before. It would be the last time this ritual would happen.

I told him of the occurrence. The old man speculated it must have been the teenagers next door. They had a rock and roll band. I felt he knew something more. I could see it in his old eyes.

My wife had been telling me that she had been finding dead birds , and the squirrels hadn't been coming around. She regularly put out feed and seeds for both. I decided to do some intelligence work.

I arose early the next morning. I was careful not to turn on the lights or walk near any windows. I covertly stared out my back door for almost twenty minutes. The only substanace I had was a cup of coffee. Then it happened. I saw the barrel of a rifle poke out of my neighbors back door. I could see my friend taking aim at a squirrel who was nearing his tomato garden. POP! The small animal was wounded by a BB and ran off in pain.

I hurried onto my patio and angrily stared my new nemesis down. I saw terror in his eyes as he backed into his house. It was on!

I did the only thing I could do. I bought a pellet gun. I had to retaliate. The only thing he had passion for was his prized tomatoes---which just happened to grow beside our adjacent chain link fence.

The next morning I killed three of his largest tomatoes. I pumped up the air rifle to the point where the red ripe vegetables were not even fit for a salad. I had hoped he had gotten the message. He hadn't.

Dozens of times each spring I caught him taking pot shots at the animals. Each time I in turn spilled the blood of his innocent plants. A couple of times he tried to put up barriers or shields----but I only sneaked down to my storage shed and flanked the red round targets with sniper fire. I was relentless.

Last month my foe died of complications from both diabetes and ulcerative colitis---diseases we shared. It threw me into a funk. I wondered why I was so upset---was it guilt? Would I miss him? NO .

Spring will not be the same. There are only a few things I look forward to in my life. One being the start of football season and another is Easter on the beach with my family. I also looked forward to seeing those green tomatoes growing into great big casualties of war.

You will be in my thoughts neighbor. You were an excellent nemesis.

 

The Flag Amendment

Now it's not that I don't love the flag---but aren't there more important things to do? This administration is so worried about fags bumping dick heads and commie radicals burning flags--they aren't working on the real problems-- like the price of gas, global warming, health care cost, prescription drugs, THE KOREANS, 11 million illegal aliens, AMERICAN OBESITY, keeping drugs like viox off the market, lobbyist bribing congress, securing Social Security and Medicare, and having an exit strategy fron Iraq!


After fixing these problems---then by all means, pass the fuckin 28th amendment if it floats your boat!

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

 

She Didn't Lie

After a week of scans and blood tests----today was the day for the bladder scope. The nurse told me to disrobe from the waist down. After doing so I realized that women look sexy when all they have on is a man's shirt. I looked ridiculous!

I was told to cover myself with the large paper towel they gave me and to lie on the bed covered with pads. I did so for about ten minutes. My pecker was shrinking about a 1/2 inch a minute from fear. That is when the old nurse walked in and pulled the terry-cloth from my manhood.

She yanked a hold of my pecker and announced loudly, "This is going to hurt!" She didn't lie!

I let out a scream.

She said, "Un-clinch your rectum muscles and it won't hurt as much."

I tried to do so. After a long moment the pain subsided. I asked, "Is it over?"

She laughed and said, "All I did was insert the pain killer with a cotton swap. The Doctor will be in in a minute."

OH SHIT!

The Doctor pulled out a gun with a 1/4 inch diameter twenty inch long barrel. I realized that was what he was going to insert into my piss hole. I was worried about the first eight inches.

"This will not be pleasant." He said. It wasn't.

I was laying their in pain and he announced, "Now this is going to be the painful part."

I let out an involuntary scream. The gun was filling me up with distilled water. I begged him to stop. The torture continued for another minute or two. Then the 1/4 rod finally came out painfully.

The Doctor pointed at a potty chair in the corner and told me to empty my bladder. It was like pissing razor blades. A solid red stream filled the plastic tank.

"Is this normal?" I asked.

"Yep" he said, "The good news it's not bladder cancer---the bad news is we still don't know what it is. We'll have to do more tests."

These fuckers are cruel. I'm still pissing razors and blood tonight.

Thanks for the thoughts though. Joke amongest yourselves until I'm back.

Friday, April 28, 2006

 

Give Me Some Advice---Please!

Sorry for my absence. I have been rather ill. You see-----I have some chronic illnesses. I have been wallowing in self-pity today. I know I shouldn’t----but WTF. I should be happy that I am not terminally ill and just chronically ill. Sometimes I think at least the terminal patients know an end to their pain is in sight. I may sound like I am looking for pity----maybe I am. However, I am asking for advice tonight. Here is my dilemma:
Following are the meds I take daily:

1 injection of slow insulin at night to keep my sugar down
3 injections of insulin --one before each meal
4 injections of some bullshit that is supposed to help my body produce more insulin
1 pill to keep my blood pressure down
1 pill to keep my cholesterol down
1 pill to keep my blood thin
9 pills to keep the ulcerative colitis sores in my colon from bleeding
1 pill to keep me from shitting myself
1 pill to keep me from pissing myself
1 steroid pill to keep me strong
4 vicodins to keep the pain in my back from making me scream
2 pills to keep the neuropathy at bay---just so my feet won’t feel like they are in a vice
1 pill to keep me from drowning in my own stomach acid (which almost happened twice)
1 suppository to enable me to hold down the pills—without it the nausea is unreal

I have a primary care doctor, a gastoroligist, a cardiologist, a pulmonary specialist, an endocrinologist, an urineoligist, an orthopedic specialist, an optometrist, and a dentist who all fight over my money each month. I use two thirds of my month of vacation time seeing these folks. They all want to see me anywhere from one to four times a year. My co-pay is $25.00 on doctor visits and $40.00 on generic prescriptions and $80.00 on non-generic. I can’t go to the drive-in-widow—the meds won’t fit. The pharmacist acts like I’m a meth user when I pick up 300 syringes a month.

I have to pay 20% of each procedure----which there are many.
Over the last three years I have had cameras up my ass and down my throat. I have been cat scanned, MRIed, and had barium squirted up my ass. I have been injected with radioactive iodine. I have been forced to drink chalk and put on a table that literally shook me so my stomach would be coated. I have had my balls fondled and countless doctors have molested me by sticking their greased fingers up my ass.

I have constant severe cramps and the shits. The prednisone makes me eat like a pig while the doctors tell me the extra weight is killing me. My back, my feet, and my legs are in constant pain. I am getting worse----not better.

Monday I was told I was pissing blood. Now they want to stick a tiny camera up the hole in my penis so they can look at my bladder. They will give me a local----but they won’t sedate me. My insurance doesn’t think it necessary.

My question is, when is enough -----------enough? When it is more dignified and humane to stop with the meds and just let nature take its course?

I know there are patients far worse off than I. I am able to work and able to enjoy moments of life. SO----I will take the test. I will suffer the humiliation of wearing the backless gown and having the nurses and the doctor torture my poor penis. I just don’t know how much more of this shit I will choose to endure.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

 

FUBAR!!

Novidades no orkut Notamos a aceitação que o orkut tem tido entre as pessoas por issu estamos com novidades no orkut.
O usuário agora pode modificar o visual do seu orkut, pode colocar smiles em seu nome, alem de desponibilizar mais segurança pedindo uma segunda senha, para isso basta instalar um plugin do orkut click aqui e faça download.


Someone help this poor Bastard. He emailed me for advice and I can't understand a fucking word he wrote!!!

Madman
Madman's Advice Blog

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

 

Stinkin' Marriage

MADMAN

I dated my wife for three years before we married and she never farted in front of me. Now she rips them off like she is trying to win a contest. Is this normal?

Whiffer

Dear Whiffer

Yes it is normal----FOR SHEEP HERDERS OR ESKIMOS! Women ain't supposed to fart around their men. I have been trying to explain this to my wife for the last 22 years. OH---by the way---she's an Eskimo.

Madman
Madman's Advice Blog

Thursday, April 13, 2006

 

Gone To The Beach

Will be back next Wednesday

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

 

Engagement Time

MM

I am thinking of proposing to my girlfriend. How can I be sure she is the right one?

Unsure

Dear Unsure

Well---I can't really tell you if she is the right one. However, I can give you five warning signs if she is the wrong one:

1. If she goes through your wallet while you are having sex.
2. If she was ever crowned Miss. PMS.
3. If she gets calls late at night that start with, "Hello--I got this number above the urinal..."
4. If she ever laughs and tells you, "you ain't gotta use a rubber---you couldn't give me anything I ain't already got!"
5. If she tells you your cock tastes sweeter than your brother's...

Madman
Madman's Advice Blog

Monday, April 10, 2006

 

A Thief In The Night??



Dear Madman:

Some neighbors down the street have hung little robots (or Wizard of Oz Tinmen as a friend pointed out) on the tree in their front yard. My inner (delinquent) child wants to sneak down there one night and steal them. What the fuck should I do?

juvenile


Dear juvenile,

After seeing the picture, I realize why someone invented "Home Owners Associations." If you steal those robots I am certain someone's wife will thank you. So---Go For It! Err---but don't rat on me--I might get charged with conspiracy for giving this advice.


Madman
Madman's Advice Blog

Friday, April 07, 2006

 

Howard Stern And A Free Ride

Madman,
My boss bought on of those portable satellite radios. Every morning he brings it in and forces the entire office to listen to Howard Stern. Do you think I could make money by suing my company for being forced to listen to that vulgarity?

Peeved

Dear Peeved,

I am surprised you can even hear Howard's broadcast. The sound must be very muffled with your head so far up your ass! Why should you get free money just because you don't like a radio show!? I do have a suggestion that will help your situation. A frontal lobotomy would calm your ass down--you don't seem to be using your brain anyway.

Madman
Madman's Advice Blog

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

 

Traveling Man

MM,

I have another vacation coming up the end of September. I will have 15 days to go anywhere in the world. (except the US or it's territories for tax purposes) I've already been to England, Ireland, Wales, Egypt, South Africa, Thailand, and the U.A.E. Where do you think I should go on my next vacation? (Budget is around $6,500 US)

Signed,

Rich Traveler



Dear Rich Traveler,

I think a wholesome country would be appropriate for a young man like yourself. The place where the 4H Club first appeared would be good. Amsterdam is home of Hookers, Heroin, Hashish, and good Hootch. Have fun my friend--and enjoy the Red Light District! With $6500.00 you can have some Fucking Fun and a High Old Time.

Madman
Madman's Advice Blog

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

 

Jack Meoff

Madman,
I am a 63 year old married man who still likes to masturbate. Is that normal?

Pulling the Old Pud

Dear PP,

Hell--I don't guess that's a problem. It ain't illegal---YET! There is a spin-off group from the pro-life folks called SIS (Sperm is Sacred) that intends to lobby congress to protect the life of all ejaculatory secretions. SIS says that Billions of sperm die each day without even having the chance of making it up the tunnel--the Good Book says this is a sin. SO-- these people are not happy with just gaining control of the female fertilized egg---they want to make it illegal for a man to spill his seed.


So whack off while you still can---big brother may be monitoring your used tissue soon.

Madman
Madman's Advice Blog



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